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Butt Hurt Pity Party Pt.3

The Violence Against Women Act is making Senate Republicans feel bad about themselves.  That’s right.  The VAWA is up for renewal and Republicans don’t want to pass it. I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking “wow, that VAWA must be no bueno.”   Are you not familiar with the VAWA?  Well according to Wikipedia:

The Violence Against Women laws provide programs and services, including:

  • Community violence prevention programs
  • Protections for victims who are evicted from their homes because of events related to domestic violence or stalking
  • Funding for victim assistance services, like rape crisis centers and hotlines
  • Programs to meet the needs of immigrant women and women of different races or ethnicities
  • Programs and services for victims with disabilities
  • Legal aid for survivors of violence

Horrible, I know.  All kidding aside (for now) VAWA is not perfect, no piece of legislation is.  And it’s not the actual Act that is making the Republicans feel sick in their tummies but THE PRESSURE THEY FEEL TO RENEW IT.  That’s right.  These men are claiming that the Democrats are picking on them and forcing them to do something they don’t want to do, and then using this whole thing to make them look bad in an election year.  Oh you poor wittle things. You feel pwessure? They’re twying to make you to do things you don’t wanna do? It’s all deir fawlt that you look ridicuwous?  I bet that’s a lot like the pressure that…oh, one might feel when getting one’s head pounded.  Or how one might feel when, say… forced to have sex. Or the embarrassment one might feel when trying to hide a black eye at a PTA meeting.

And you wouldn’t believe their reasons for not wanting to renew the Violence Against Women Act because they’re as ridiculous as John Boehner’s tan.  You see, a few new items have been added to VAWA this time around.  Things like protecting a woman from her abuser even if she’s an immigrant.  Or like expanding domestic violence programs to include same-sex couples.  Or *gasp* helping our Native American women on Indian reservations.  You know, really outrageous stuff like that.

“I favor the Violence Against Women Act and have supported it at various points over the years, but there are matters put on that bill that almost seem to invite opposition,” said Senator Jeff Sessions, Republican of Alabama, who opposed the latest version last month in the Judiciary Committee. “You think that’s possible? You think they might have put things in there we couldn’t support that maybe then they could accuse you of not being supportive of fighting violence against women?”

Let me translate that for you: “The big mean Democrats added all that extra stuff knowing that we would have to oppose it and then they could say we don’t support women.  Boo hoo I need my binky.”

Or something like that.  The VAWA has been supporting and protecting women since 1994.  And the last time it came up for renewal in 2005 it passed by unanimous consent in the Senate with 415 votes.  No problemo.  We get it.  You don’t mind protecting women as long as they’re not brown or gay.  Nothing new there.  But to cry “they set this all up on purpose to make us look bad” is shameful.  Shame on you.  And newsflash: you don’t need anyone to try and make you look bad.  You’re doing a fine job of that all by yourselves.

So let’s all give the Senate Republicans their butt wipes and rash cream so they can get hurry up and get back to not creating jobs or anything useful whatsoever.

Miss Diagnosed

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