You know how every once in a while you have a dream or a premonition? Or sometimes it’s just a good old fashioned gut feeling. And your vision is so precise and vivid that it feels real? And then hours, days, weeks, or even years go by and then that vision comes true? And you’re all “oooh snap, that was creepy but it was kinda cool. I must be psychic or something.” Anybody? Just me?
Well you may recall that a few weeks ago I was talking about Ted “Cat Scratch Fever Is Code For Syphilis” Nugent and his tasteless and violent remarks about President Obama. Well out of sheer coincidence (or was it…) I stated that his rant would be best left for the Secret Service to deal with.
Then I woke up yesterday and saw that THIS was happening.
That’s right. Creepy Molester Uncle Ted took the stage at the National Rifle Association convention the other day and gave an eloquent and moving speech about how by this time next year he’ll be either dead or in jail if President Obama is re-elected. Well certain people translated that to mean something like “if he’s elected again I’m not going to be around much next year because I’m going to do something to him.” It didn’t help much that Ted went on to encourage a room full of ardent gun enthusiasts to “chop the heads off” of Democrats in November.
I KNOW! Y’all, I’m obviously clairvoyant. Or maybe just extremely gifted. Ok, probably just mildly perceptive or something. Whatever. I’m going to get a crystal ball and start charging for this stuff.
Continuing with our 4 part series…
The clowns at FOX “News” took the giant pacifier out of their collective mouths last week to cry some more about how liberal comedians are always picking on them. In their defense of Jabba the Rush and the sewage he’s been spewing lately they resorted to that age- old playground battle cry : ”they did it firrrrst.” They are, of course, referring to Bill Maher who called Sarah Palin a “dumb twat” on his show LAST YEAR. Now I’m not going to argue right now about how this is like comparing apples and oranges. I’ll save it for later because it’s more like apples and unicorns. But Jon Stewart addressed the FOX
crybabies commentators last week on The Daily Show and it was pretty much the tastiest thing ever. Go watch it. I’ll wait.
Done? OK, good. Yes, among other things, that was Ted Nugent calling Hillary Clinton a bitch and suggesting that Barack Obama suck on his machine gun. Now maaaaaaybe The Nuge has a big ‘ol man crush on the President and the machine gun is just a metaphor for his penis. Or maybe it was in reference to an actual gun. I don’t know. I’ll leave that to the Secret Service or the FBI or whoever it is that handles the nut jobs who think it’s cool to incite violence against a U.S. President. And yes, that’s Ted and Mike Huckabee in what can only be called The Whitest Jam Session Ever doing “Cat Scratch Fever.” Not familiar with that little ditty? Let’s take a look at some of the lyrics shall we?
I make the pussy purr with
The stroke of my hand
They know they gettin’ it from me
They know just where to go
When they need their lovin man
They know I do it for free
That’s right. The “news” people who pooped their diapers when they heard that Common (aka “Tamest Rapper Ever”) had been invited to a White House event thought nothing of inviting Ted Nugent to sing his vaguely pornographic (not to mention mediocre) metaphorical song about lady parts with Mike Huckabee. Yeah nobody rocks like the Bee.
But I digress. Jon Stewart did a brilliant job of pointing out the hypocrisy of FOX or anyone on the Right to claim “poor me the big meanie left wing doo doo heads are being mean to us again” when they are just as guilty. I don’t care what your political persuasion is but you can’t have it both ways. If the Dixie Chicks are “traitors” then so is Ted Nugent. You can’t accuse comedians of hiding behind their comedy, and then try to tell us that Rush was just trying to be funny. Because he’s ”an entertainer.” An entertainer. Yeah, Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer like Hannibal Lecter is a food critic.
So FOX “News”…until you muzzle that rapacious, turd-filled tundra beast mascot of yours, go powder your ass and quit your belly aching. You’re grounded. Go to your room and don’t come out until you’re ready to admit that climate change is real.