Blog Archives

Let’s Get Happy Clappy

So after Monday’s buzz kill post I thought we could all use some good news for a change.  So today I’d like to share some of the more positive things that went down last week while I was in my Claritin Coma.

Remember when Martha Stewart’s friend was all “Hey Martha, I know you bought all that stock in my pharmaceutical company but things aren’t going too good right now so I thought I’d tell you before the info goes public so you can get rid of that stock before the fit hits the shan”?  Well that’s called insider trading.  And it’s illegal.  And it got Martha a few months in the pokey where she taught all the gals on the cell block how strategically placed throw pillows could maximize their limited cell space .

Funny thing, it wasn’t illegal for members of Congress to do the same exact thing Martha did. They could do it, and they didn’t have to tell any of us about it.  Until now.  President Obama signed into law the STOCK Act.  It basically says, well…no insider trading for members of Congress.  And for extra shits and giggles if they trade ANY stock more than $1000 they have to announce it publicly online.   Woohoo! Everybody has to play by the same rules!  What a novel idea.

And for the record, I would pay good money to be Martha Stewart’s cell mate for 24 hours so I could watch her try to make potpourri out of weeds and twigs she finds in the exercise yard.  Then after lights out I would talk endlessly about how I like to just go crazy and mix warm tones with cool tones and see how long it takes her to go out of her country apple scented mind.

Ever heard of John Derbyshire?  Well he’s been writing for the super conservative National Review for a lot of years now.  He has publicly stated that women shouldn’t vote and that black people are basically born criminals and they’re not nearly as smart as white people.  Yeah, he’s a real peach.  Well he recently went on another website and posted what is basically a manual on how to avoid black people and keep safe from them.  My favorite part?  “If planning a trip to a beach or an amusement park at some date, find out if it is likely to be swamped with blacks that day.”  Makes perfect sense.  Hello Disneyland?  Yeah, I wanted to come to the park on Thursday.  Do a lot of black people visit the Magic Kingdom on Thursdays?  And how do you determine what day black people typically go to the beach?  Is there some almanac I don’t know about?

National Review condoned this turd  for years but this time Derbyshire had gone off the reservation.  He drew a lot of unwanted attention to their site and what a big flaming bag of caca it is.  So they fired him, claiming that he had “crossed a line.”  The same amoral line he’d been crossing for years but what’s a little racism amongst friends, right?   The best part was watching all his (former) co-workers scrambling like roaches when the lights are turned on to cover their own asses.  “For the record, I never agreed with the things he said…I worked with him for years, I had no idea he was like this. He doesn’t speak for me.” ( not actual quotes but you get the idea)  And my personal fave: “He’s bad for the conservative movement, we don’t all think the way he does.”   Please.  You know what’s bad for the conservative movement?  Conservatives. And it’s definitely a movement, just not the kind they think it is if you catch my drift.   But I’m getting off track.  The good news is that Derbyshire has one less outlet for which to spew his racist, misogynist, homophobic bile .  And good riddance.  Go back to England you miserable, limey fart.

"I wanted to ride the teacups dammit!"

Yes, that’s really him.

Moving on.  A bunch of gay students over at Brigham Young University made an “It Gets Better” video and posted it online.  This is a big deal because BYU is a Mormon school.  And the Mormon church really doesn’t like gay people. Like, not even a little bit.  And BYU has a long history of being the worst school in the nation for gay students.  Until 2007 BYU had a “no gays allowed” rule.  No hand holding, no kissing, no passing love notes.  And you could just forget about the All-Male Naked Twister Intramurals.   Hell, until 2010 it was against the rules to even SUPPORT gay rights, because the Mormons are so rational what with their bigotry and three heavens and whatnot.  The video is all about “hey we know what it’s like to struggle with your sexuality and your religion and it’s cool because God loves you just the way you are so don’t sweat it and we’re here to support you if you need it.”

I know.  The horror.  These kids took a real chance doing this video.  They risk excommunication from their church or being disowned by their families.  “You like guys?  That’s it.  Turn in your magic underwear and get out.”  So big ups to the kick ass gay kids at BYU.

There was also this


Racist Ducks & Prozac

I have a confession to make.  The world really bums me out.  Like, in a “I may need to up my meds in order to deal with this shit” kinda way.    Maybe I’m too sensitive.  Maybe I watch too much news.  I don’t know.  But it seems that I can’t get through a single day without hearing about something that freaks me out, pisses me off, or just plain makes me sad.

And this week has been a doozy.

First it was this headline: Racist False Trayvon Martin Facebook Picture Being Circulated.

That’s right.  Somebody created a Facebook page pretending to be Trayvon Martin with a picture of a saggy pantsed boy throwing a gang sign.  And for extra shits and giggles the conservative media is claiming that THAT is who Trayvon really was: a gang banging thug, and that the liberal media is trying to hide that fact by only showing an old picture of him when he was a sweet little boy.  Nevermind that the picture was not Trayvon.  Those scumbags over at Breitbart who first released the picture even admitted it wasn’t Trayvon.

Look, I don’t care how you feel about gun laws.  I don’t care how you feel about gangs.  I don’t care how you feel about the media.  Hell, I don’t even care how you feel about black people.  The fact of the matter is that an unarmed child was shot and killed by a grown man and the police weren’t concerned with finding out what happened.   Move along.  Nothing to see here folks.

And then the FOX “News” viewers weighed in on the whole thing. (ugh)   “Good shot Zimmy.”  “Just another nigger. No loss.”  “How long will it take to get all those little black curley nappies out of the white house…”

Classy, huh?   And they’ll swear up and down that they’re not racist. After all, it’s not like they’ve done this sort of thing before. *like this*   It’s not like they have a history of this sort of thing. *like this*  It’s not like FOX editors have ever had to pull the plug on their own website because their readers ruined it with their back woods hillbilly mentality. *like this*  Hello, 1929 called. It wants its racists back.

I know that not all conservatives are racist, as I happen to know many very nice ones. And I know not all FOX viewers are racist, but there’s definitely something hinky in the water over at FOXLand.  If it looks like a duck, and wears a white hood like duck, and burns crosses like a duck…well, you get what I’m saying.

These people suck.  I’ve got no better way to say it.  I got no jokes.  They’re just assholes poisoning the world with their hatred.  They just plain suck.  Even The Simpsons know it.

Prozac, take me away.

Miss Diagnosed

%d bloggers like this: