Following our country’s politics is never a walk in the park. Unless that park is in a bad neighborhood and is inhabited by psychopaths and rabies infested hell hounds. While perusing the news last week I noticed something other than the usual lying, pandering, and race baiting that we’ve grown so accustomed to. There was an unusual amount of butt hurt whining. So much so that I started to wish I had bought stock in Preparation H. Of course playing the victim is nothing new, but there’s something laughable about some of the most powerful people in the world crying woe-is-me. So I’ve picked out a few of my faves to share with you this week. So let’s get started with this week’s first entry in the pity party.
The Catholic Church is tired of rape victims ganging up on them. Yes, you read that right. Now before you get your rosary beads in a knot know that this is not an indictment of the Catholic Church as a whole. But let’s face it: they got some bad apples. Anyways, some bishops looked at the books and decided it’s more ”cost effective” to fight the victims who accuse their priests of rape one at a time instead of trying to fight the large group lawsuits that some victims file together. There’s an advocacy group called SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests) and the Church is trying to get their hands on their correspondences from the last 20 years. Nevermind the fact that SNAP is not even involved in any of the cases. For some reason the Church is just dying to get a peek at SNAP’s emails. If I didn’t know better I’d say perhaps the bishops want to find out exactly who is approaching SNAP for help in order to head them off at the pass before they get together with some other alleged victims and try to take down the whole Catholic Church. It could happen.
It gets better. Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious & Civil Rights, called SNAP “a menace to the Catholic Church.” In 2009 he did a radio interview in which he called the abuse victims “gold diggers.” Billy D would also like us all to know that a lot of those victims weren’t even raped. Yes, Bill because just being molested by your priest isn’t that bad. You can listen to the interview here but try not to fall asleep.
It gets even better. Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan, archbishop of New York, is fighting a piece of legislature that would drop the statue of limitations on sexual offenses for just one year. This would allow alleged victims to file civil suits even if the abuse occurred long ago. And Tim just ain’t havin’ it. He admits that the Church did not handle the sex abuse scandals well in the past, but he’s mad as heck that nobody gives the Church credit for how they’re handling it now. And he’s tired of the Catholic Church being “the whipping boy.” He’s also afraid that too many law suits could drain the Catholic Church of all its money, money that he claims could be used for charity. Charity. You know, like that $26 million they spend every year lobbying against gays and women. You know, charity. I’m no mathematician but I’m pretty sure $26 million could feed a lot of homeless people. Maybe the Church needs all that money to keep Billy and Timmy stocked up on diapers and butt rash cream. Who knows.
So cry me a river already. To think that a few law suits could bankrupt the entire Church is just stupid. And from what I’ve seen the Catholic Church and its priests have gotten off lucky so far. I could think of about 10,667* ways that the Church should have to repay their victims and not all of them involve money. Speaking of money…just write the damn checks already so the victims can pay for therapy or help other victims or throw a big ass party. Whatever. I love how Cardinal Timmy thinks that a few years of intervention can make up for decades (if not longer) of abuse. And as for Bill Donohue…well he can just go pound sand. It’s a shame that the Church lets this hateful man be a mouthpiece for them. All he does is cast a dark shadow over the good work that the Church does do. Bill Donohue and Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan. Welcome to their butt hurt pity party.
*10,667 is the number of people who claimed to have been abused by priests in The John Jay Report
Hey Readers, all 3 of you. I had this crazy but fun post planned for you today about some of the ridiculousness that went down this week in our country. It wasn’t all that hard what with all the talk of vaginas and voter fraud that is a huge problem even though it isn’t really a huge problem and all the gay people using their voodoo to make us all gay and so on and so forth. It started out simply enough and then before I knew it I was knee deep in birther conspiracy theories (still?!?) and wondering just how the political discourse of our country got reduced to nothing more than “nanny nanny boo boo.” I looked at my screen and saw that the post had grown to epic proportions and nobody with a real life would have the time to read it. So I’m going to break it up into separate posts for next week. Unless Sarah Palin keeps whining about how everything everybody ever said about her in the history of ever is a lie. In which case I will tear my own ears off and probably have to spend a few days in the hospital trying to get new ears. So let’s all just enjoy our weekend and we’ll meet back here on Monday and bear witness to the lunacy, mmmkaaay? Until then, enjoy this video. My mom doesn’t get why I find this so pee-my-pants hilarious but whatever.