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Racist Ducks & Prozac

I have a confession to make.  The world really bums me out.  Like, in a “I may need to up my meds in order to deal with this shit” kinda way.    Maybe I’m too sensitive.  Maybe I watch too much news.  I don’t know.  But it seems that I can’t get through a single day without hearing about something that freaks me out, pisses me off, or just plain makes me sad.

And this week has been a doozy.

First it was this headline: Racist False Trayvon Martin Facebook Picture Being Circulated.

That’s right.  Somebody created a Facebook page pretending to be Trayvon Martin with a picture of a saggy pantsed boy throwing a gang sign.  And for extra shits and giggles the conservative media is claiming that THAT is who Trayvon really was: a gang banging thug, and that the liberal media is trying to hide that fact by only showing an old picture of him when he was a sweet little boy.  Nevermind that the picture was not Trayvon.  Those scumbags over at Breitbart who first released the picture even admitted it wasn’t Trayvon.

Look, I don’t care how you feel about gun laws.  I don’t care how you feel about gangs.  I don’t care how you feel about the media.  Hell, I don’t even care how you feel about black people.  The fact of the matter is that an unarmed child was shot and killed by a grown man and the police weren’t concerned with finding out what happened.   Move along.  Nothing to see here folks.

And then the FOX “News” viewers weighed in on the whole thing. (ugh)   “Good shot Zimmy.”  “Just another nigger. No loss.”  “How long will it take to get all those little black curley nappies out of the white house…”

Classy, huh?   And they’ll swear up and down that they’re not racist. After all, it’s not like they’ve done this sort of thing before. *like this*   It’s not like they have a history of this sort of thing. *like this*  It’s not like FOX editors have ever had to pull the plug on their own website because their readers ruined it with their back woods hillbilly mentality. *like this*  Hello, 1929 called. It wants its racists back.

I know that not all conservatives are racist, as I happen to know many very nice ones. And I know not all FOX viewers are racist, but there’s definitely something hinky in the water over at FOXLand.  If it looks like a duck, and wears a white hood like duck, and burns crosses like a duck…well, you get what I’m saying.

These people suck.  I’ve got no better way to say it.  I got no jokes.  They’re just assholes poisoning the world with their hatred.  They just plain suck.  Even The Simpsons know it.

Prozac, take me away.

Miss Diagnosed

Butt Hurt Pity Party Pt.2

Continuing with our 4 part series…

The clowns at FOX “News” took the giant pacifier out of their collective mouths last week to cry some more about how liberal comedians are always picking on them.  In their defense of Jabba the Rush and the sewage he’s been spewing  lately they resorted to that age- old playground battle cry :   ”they did it firrrrst.”  They are, of course, referring to Bill Maher who called Sarah Palin a “dumb twat” on his show LAST YEAR.  Now I’m not going to argue right now about how this is like comparing apples and oranges.  I’ll save it for later because it’s more like apples and unicorns.  But Jon Stewart addressed the FOX  crybabies commentators last week on The Daily Show and it was pretty much the tastiest thing ever.  Go watch it.  I’ll wait.

Done?  OK, good.  Yes, among other things, that was Ted Nugent calling Hillary Clinton a bitch and suggesting that Barack  Obama suck on his machine gun.  Now maaaaaaybe The Nuge has a big ‘ol man crush on the President and the machine gun is just a metaphor for his penis. Or maybe it was in reference to an actual gun. I don’t know.  I’ll leave that to the Secret Service or the FBI or whoever it is that handles the nut jobs who think it’s cool to incite violence against a U.S. President.  And yes, that’s Ted and Mike Huckabee in what can only be called The Whitest Jam Session Ever doing “Cat Scratch Fever.”  Not familiar with that little ditty?  Let’s take a look at some of the lyrics shall we?

 I make the pussy purr with
The stroke of my hand
They know they gettin’ it from me
They know just where to go
When they need their lovin man
They know I do it for free

That’s right.  The “news” people who pooped their diapers when they heard that Common (aka “Tamest Rapper Ever”) had been invited to a White House event  thought nothing of inviting Ted Nugent to sing his vaguely pornographic (not to mention mediocre) metaphorical song about lady parts with Mike Huckabee. Yeah nobody rocks like the Bee.

But I digress.   Jon Stewart did a brilliant job of pointing out the hypocrisy of FOX or anyone on the Right to claim “poor me the big meanie left wing doo doo heads are being mean to us again” when they are just as guilty.  I don’t care what your political persuasion is but you can’t have it both ways. If the Dixie Chicks are “traitors” then so is Ted Nugent.   You can’t accuse comedians of hiding behind their comedy, and then try to tell us that Rush was just trying to be funny.  Because he’s ”an entertainer.”    An entertainer.  Yeah, Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer like Hannibal Lecter is a food critic.

So FOX “News”…until you muzzle that rapacious, turd-filled tundra beast mascot of yours, go powder your ass and quit your belly aching.  You’re grounded.  Go to your room and don’t come out until you’re ready to admit that climate change is real.

Miss Diagnosed

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